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Nothing lasts forever. Everything that starts must end. These words hold true for almost everything, but not necessarily so for relationships and marriages. Albeit they are not always made in heaven and differences between the involved parties can grow over time

Helping your kids when the relationship ends: Do’s and don’t s

Nothing lasts forever. Everything that starts must end. These words hold true for almost everything, but not necessarily so for relationships and marriages. Albeit they are not always made in heaven and differences between the involved parties can grow over time, but people generally work towards resolving the differences and bypassing the issues that might have crept between them and strive towards saving the marriage, especially when a child is involved. But sometimes the hardest of efforts can go futile and people have to opt for the heart breaking solution of divorce and separation.

According to Australian Bureau of Statistics In 2015, there were 48,517 divorces granted in Australia, an increase of 2019 (4.3%) from the 46,498 divorces granted in 2014.

So we can see that a significant number of marriages and De facto relationships end in divorce and separation in Australia. When a marriage or a de facto relationship crumbles and breaks apart it brings with it heartbreak and emotionally troubled times and challenging experiences which takes a toll on our psyche and emotions. Kids are not immune to this emotionally challenging scenario and feel the sorrow and the grief that comes with it and have a really tough time understanding and accessing the situation while coming to terms with the harsh reality.

A lot of factors decide how the kid will react to the divorce and separation, two of the most important factors being the age of the child and the degree of conflict and animosity between the parents. Another very important factor is how parents deal with the troubled time and how they interact with the kid and explain to him actually what is going on for most of the times kids get confused seeing their parents separating. Here are some dos and don’ts for the parent.

DOs

  • Assure them that the divorce or separation is no fault of theirs.
  • Ask them what they feel about the whole thing and if possible explain to them.
  • Don’t abuse or show animosity towards the other parent in front of them.
  • Reassure them that both the parents love them and will continue to care for them.
  • Both parents must maintain their parenting roles
  • Consult them about their needs when working out family arrangements post divorce
  • Tell them you both love them

Don’ts

  • Show hostility or abuse the other parent in front of the kids.
  • Tell the kids it’s their fault.
  • Threaten to severe their ties with the other parent.
  • Make the children take sides when in an argument with the other parent.
  • Argue and fight with the other parent in front of the kids.
  • Offer false hopes like getting back together after some time.

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